Well, we weren't hatched!
by Doctor Maz
Summary: Tony discovers that Loki has a birthday. Established Frostiron, based on the 'dirty little secret' series, but you dont have to have read that for this to still be a nice one-shot. Tony decides they should go painballing. (RAMBO-THOR INCLUDED!) Mild 'paint-war' violence.


Okay, so just a little one-shot here. It follows the universe of some of my other stories:

'I'll keep you my' (dirty little secret)  
'Frostiron shenanigans'  
'Who has to know?'  
**'Well, we weren't hatched'**

Hope you like this one.

**On with the show...**

* * *

"What? I didn't know you you even HAD birthdays."

"Of course we were born Tony, we weren't hatched."

"Well excuse me for not knowing. I thought Asgardians were immortal, isn't that a lot of birthdays?"

"You forget that I am not Aesir, I am a frost giant. But you are right, that's why it's tradition to celebrate every fifty earth years."

"So why didn't you tell me your birthday was coming up?"

"Because I don't care. I've never liked birthdays and I'm my going to start now."

"But it's your birthday babe, don't you want to get presents and eat so much cake you puke?"

"Oh, that sounds so appealing." Loki quipped in his most sarcastic tone.

"What about birthday sex?"

"Tony." He warned "I will my birthday acknowledged."

"Babe, you know that's not an option. I am Tony Stark."

Loki glared at him. "Fine." He snapped "We'll do something just the two of us." Tony grinned in his small triumph. "But no one else will hear of this." He warned. "Tony, I'm serious."

"Fine, fine. We'll just go out on a birthday date. Somewhere very unromantic."

"Good. I hate romantic. And so do you."

"Venice?"

"Been there. They lived me so much they put my portrait on the wall of the police department."

"Ah. Movies."

"Boring."

"Agreed. Something fun, like water skiing."

"I don't like getting wet Stark."  
Tony raised an eyebrow.  
"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything. How about... Paintballing?"

"What?"

"It's like this war game and you're in teams. And you have guns, but they have paint in not bullets so that you can't kill people. And you can't use magic, and... This is probably a really bad idea, Thor night get a little... How about we go skiing. You like ice, and I think you'd look really hot in one of those fur hat things."

"I like his paint-balling. I shall tell the others."  
And Loki walked off leaving Tony to mentally hit his head against a figurative wall.

"Jarvis, probability of success?"

"Nought point two eight percent sir."

"Shit"

-PAGEBREAK-

"I cannot wait for our paint-war friend Anthony."

"Makes one of us."

"Can't I add paint to my arrows if I promise not to his anyone?"

"What would be the point in that Clint?"

"It would look cool. Plus the paint would splash everyone in the face when it hits a nearby tree."

"No!" Tony spoke up, standing on the coffee table. "No bows, no weapons, no Mjolnir, no magic. I will not have my suit, and I plan to be alive by the end of the day so that Loki and I can have super-awesome-birthday-sex."  
Loki glared at him.  
"Oops?"  
Loki glared at him some more.

"Brother! I thought your birthday was tomorrow. Jane and I have prepared a cake!"

Loki was not seen again until they reached the woods they would be paintballing in.

-PAGEBREAK-

"CHAARRRGE!" Thor led a one-man charge to try and ambush Tony and Loki's base in full Rambo-mode.

Clint, also on Tony and Loki's team sat camouflaged in a tree above, a worthy vantage point. Useful and hard to hit.

When Thor was within Clint's ten-metre range, he was met with a bombardment of blue paint.  
Tony and Loki high-fived from under their cover. The other team was one man (god) down, and it was time to scout out the might-as-well-be-a-ninja and the tactical super soldier.  
Time to split up.

Tony followed the obvious tracks that Thor had made in his bold charge. Boldness wouldn't win this game, not with these players. No. Stealth would be Tony's greatest friend.

Tony trod carefully through Thor's path, careful not to make a sound. Really not his style. The wood's floor was thick with dried leaves, which made Tony's stealth-mode pretty ineffective.  
Then a hand reached out from under the leaves and grabbed his ankle.

He shot at the spot right when a thud hit his right shoulder from behind, and he staggered forward a bit.

Natasha's head emerged from the pile of leaves and Tony ran.  
How did he get so into this?

Well he had been shot, but only in the shoulder. It didn't hurt too much. He had shot Natasha in the back, so she was out. And Steve must have shot him from behind.  
He must have hated that, some moral thing about Steve and not shooting someone in the back.

When Tony got back, Loki had gone off to shoot Steve. They had done pretty well. Three of them left, and two of the others gone. They had predicted tony Thor and Steve would go first, leaving the stealthy ones to battle it out.  
Apparently they were wrong.

Tony went looking for Loki and Steve then. Unlike Clint, he didn't physically have the capacity for patience. He found Loki before he found Steve.

Each stood across from each other, each behind a tree, and a bunch more in the middle. There must have been about seven metres between them.

Between Loki and Tony were about five trees. When Loki saw him coming, he put a finger to his lips and pointed towards Steve.  
Tony nodded.  
Loki put a had out to halt him, and after a few seconds he beckoned him to come to him.

Tony made a few trees before he started to be shot at. At which point, Loki put a hand out to stop him behind a tree a few feet away.  
Loki moved slightly out from the tree to look at Steve when he himself was shot at. He moved back in time and then she back at Steve. While he was shooting, he beckoned for Tony with his other hand.  
Tony ran to join him behind the tree while Loki covered him.

"You're so sexy when you're shooting people. Wait, no. I take that back, don't ever shoot people. Ever."

Loki chuckled. "Cover me."

And with little more warning, Loki sprinted. Tony barely had enough tim to begin fire at Steve.

Loki must have circled round because when he saw Loki again, he was behind Steve with gun in hand.

After Steve was 'dead', Loki looked up at Tony who was now walking towards him. When tony was a few metres away, Loki's paint ball hit him square in the chest.  
-PAGEBREAK-  
Loki stalked his way back to their 'base' with intentions of 'killing off' Clint. But when he got to the tree, Clint was no loner there.

Then Loki was flipped over and shot from behind. Natasha stood over him, grinning.

"He only shot me in the arm. Damn hurts though."

-PAGEBREAK-

"Stark, that is the last time you ever take me out."

"Hey! You shot me. And I didn't want to go anyway."

"I have the ugliest bruise on my back."

"And you hit my freaking arc reactor."

"It didn't break, if it had I'd have healed you. You know that."

"That's not the point. You shouldn't have shot me there. You shouldn't have shot me at all. We were on the same team!"

"I'm sorry."

"You don't get it do you? We're supposed to be a team Loki. It doesn't matter what side were on, you have to be on MY side. And we were on the same team today, and you shot me. You didn't even-"

"It was just a game Tony."

"Yeah, cause that's what everything is isn't it? A game. I can't believe you Loki."

"It was just a-"

"No. We're supposed to he married Loki." And tony walked away, Loki put a hand to Tony's shoulder but it was shrugged off.

"I didn't mean... I was just having fun-" but tony didn't hear him.

* * *

**Okay, so in my other stories, they are pretty much inseperable. Ever since the 'incident' in dirty little secret, but i wont give that away incase youre yet to read it. **  
**I wanted to show that these two are still just as bad for each other as they are good. Plus, I wanted Rambo Thor.**

**I plan on doing more related one-shots so if you follow me, you will get all my other ones. Also, please check out the rest from my stories page.**

-Doctor Mazicles, **Over and OUT!**

Until next time my lovelies.


End file.
